Nung Sabado, nagaway na naman kami ng sarili ko kasi nagalit ako dahil siya ay confused. Confused siya dahil lumaki na naman ang kanyang ego at acutely ay naghanap na naman ng fan at dun nakakita sa cyberspace. Ang masaklap dun, nabuhay siya sa cyberspace ng ilang araw at naniwalang nagmamahal siya. Buti na lang may mga kaibigan kami na pinatutuhana na yung kausap nya na si Mr. Charming ay si Mr. Fake din. At dahil tanga na naman ang sarili ko ng bonggang bongga pinarusahan ko siya. Pinakain ko sya ng todo-todo hanggang maging butirit ang tyan nya at sumakit. Naisip ko maybe yun ang manifestation ng pain ng ego ko. Tatlong shawarm na large, kanin at pinirito, pizza, soda...sige pa lamon pa. Parusa pa. Mamaya tuloy isusumbong na naman ako ng timbangan sa trainer ko sa gym at ilang araw magsusunog ng taba.
Anong bang napala ko sa lahat ng ito? I always feel bad when I cannot think through. Especially when I feel, madali lang ang sitwasyon at ako lang ang makulit na nagpapahirap dito. Oo nasaktan ako. OO iniyakan ko ito. At oo naalala ko yung ex ko na si Mr. Charming din a.k.a. Mr. Big Personality. Siguro kasi naalala ko ang past ko sa sitwasyong ito at nakakalungkot isipin na parang di naman ako natuto. Pero sa isang banda, maybe it's another way of reminding me na I still have much to do. My painful past relationship was what helped me start all these good changes in my life and andito ako ulit sa humming bird phase, stopping and smelling the flowers. So now yung iniyakan ko reminded me so much to kick my ass again and work hard. Hindi pa tapos ang misyon kong ayusin ang buhay ko.
Natutuhan ko din na ang tutuong pagmamahal ay nasa tutuong buhay. Inuuto ko lang ang sarili ko sa pagsali sa dating sites at pagpasok sa chatroom. Real love with real people happens in real life, not in that 4-cornered window. Sa chat you can go as far as HOPING for a friend, pero pag wala, move on, enjoy life. Live what is real and live in reality. Natutuhan ko din that chatworld is as real as one would like it to be. You might be projecting 60% of your truth, BUT what about the other one who migh be projecting only 8% of his truth? That is when you are in for a game. So I deleted my accounts na at mabubuhay kasama ang sarili ko sa NOW.
Pero thank God pa din hindi ko sya nameet or else I would have invested more than I should have.
Yes tanga ako minsan. Minsan sobrang tanga. Madali akong magtiwala. Madali akong mauto minsan. Pero okay I learned a lesson with this. So ngayon I have reconciled with myself. Gym ulit para sunigin ang taba galing sa shawarma, et al. This has given me the chance to get back on track with zest.
"anyone with a shattered heart can win the prize of a happier life, a better elationship next time around---BUT only in making use of the mess right in fron t of you. You have to think about it. Feel it. Mourn it. Miss him. Resent him and wish you could tell him the funny things you saw that only he would understand because it reminds you of a market stall in Oaxaca from your honeymoon. And if you do all that, really breathe he soror and let the sadness frame each beat of your heart, you'll only be able to let it go, YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF ARRIVING AT A NEW PLACE, IN WHICH YOU KNOW MORE CLEARLY WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED AND WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER."--Lise Funderburg (Oprah book)
No comments:
Post a Comment