I am so blest---

Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) 11 For I know the
plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not
to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.-

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I was feeling kinda down lately with regards to my work. I had these what-ifs and a lot of If-I-had-only on my mind. I got so used doing easy work and the good pay, and then one day, it's gone. The word is nakakatulala. There was this pervading feeling of uncertainty, of fear. In the midst of this sadness, I was eating a lot and sleeping more and in my waking hours perhaps in near stupor =(. I was assessing my skills and all I could think of was there was nothing special about me. I focused on the things I could not do. All the thoughts of my past failure came flooding back. I stopped going to the gym. I stopped communicating with others saved for the very, very few I'm not afraid to show myself unmasked. It seemed like everything was slipping away.

The other day I tried to organize my things, my bookshelf, my work desk. I felt I could get a small boost of a new start if I'd see these things in order. Then there was this book someone gave me -- 31 Lives. Stories. Miracles---I opened it random. I was led to a story about someone scared of his future after living the good life and losing it all--and there was the above passage. At that point, I cried. One thing I forgot was to offer my pain. I forgot HE will not forsake me. I forgot that HE has plans for me. Despite my pain, despite my woes...HE has plans for me. I am not alone. I should not be scared.

Call it divine stirring...but I think it's how how the HIGHER POWER works.

With a cleaner desk and set-up for work, my mind seemed clearer. The other night someone told me I could write. She is a write and said I should trust her because she should know. That felt good. I also counted my skills. The fact is, I have so many talents which I could develop. I can cook, I know transcriptions, my English is not that good but is not that bad either, I can sketch, I can paint...RAW talents which I can improve. I did not see I have so many good things going on my life. I focused on what is lacking that is why I cannot appreciate what I have but I am so blest...with friends, my family ain't perfect but my sisters are the best, my mother despite of the things she has done has kept my head above water for a lot of times.

I forgot to be thankful...

I cannot be scared when I am so blest.

What is the ugliest thing that could happen to me if I try to push? Fail? Get rejected? A few steps back? Not get it?

Well, maybe.

BUT there is HOPE. A promise of a future awaits as long as I do not give up---I cannot be scared. Not now when I understand that I am so blest.